…but couldn’t be bothered to ask. Many thanks to Rob G for this idea. fed up of the unending torrent of surveys from other people flooding my Inbox asking what i had for breakfast and who my favourite chipmunk is, here is an exhaustive list to end all lists of such things about me. I need only say ‘take the hint’.
Oh, and feel free to add any questions and comments should, for some bizarre reason, you be even vaguely interested and I’ll do my best to answer them (though not necessarily truthfully).
The Definitive Matty Question List
The Basic Personals & Standard Questions
1. What is your full name? – Matthew John Drew
2. How old are you? – 36. Ashamedly childlike really.
3. Where do you live? – Bristol.
4. With anyone? – With my Mum (no I don’t wear anoraks or look like Ronnie Corbett in ‘Sorry’! She’s more like a good mate so it makes sense, really)
5. Brothers or sisters? – One sister called Dawn, who’s 6 years older then me and quite cool
6. Pets? – In this bungalow? Be serious.
7. Significant other? – Am using it to type with.
8. Non-romantic significant other(s)? – Apart from Mum, Dad, Dawn etc? Niece & nephew who are also my godchildren.
9. Closest friends? – *lol* yeah, that’d kick up some controversy! Suffice to say that Lizz, Lou, Pete, Vicky, Kev, Ryan & Glenn would all be there somewhere.
10. Sexuality? – Hetro, despite a plethora of wonderful OCD-formed panics.
11. Profession? – I guess media editorial work (writing, proofing, reviewing, subbing) would be close enough – though it’s been 6 years since working due to my illness so that’s kinda loose tbh.
12. Any quals? – Yeah, got a degree in Cultural & Media Studies and lots of a-levs/gcses etc.
13. Starsign – Cancer (appropriate, given my smoking).
14. Smoke? – Blind?
15. Drink? – Not a huge alcohol fan, but can fill in for those who are when they’re attempting sobriety! Girly drinks like Baileys/Malibu/Archers are all fine, nice pint of Red Stripe or Stella is good and the Aftershock stories are legendary. Rather have a pint of milk though.
16. Any Illnesses? – Yep, suffer from the pure obsessional form of OCD, diabetes and sleep aponea.
17. Birthmarks? – A little one on my wrist and a larger version of it on my lower back.
18. Any other identifying marks? – Got a lovely big scar on my left thigh from an accident when I was 7. First day of holiday in Weymouth, Mum decides I should walk on the inside of the pavement for my own safety. I promptly fell through an unmarked skylight that was being worked on and scooped a big piece out of my leg. Bad pain, great presents, Mum’s career as a safety officer was short-lived.
19. Religious? – Used to be. Now am definitely spiritual but believe religion just gets in the way.
20. Do you believe in: Ghosts? Completely – am a core member of the UK Ghost investigators!
UFOs? – yeah. Saw something weird when i was 16 and think there’s too much smoke. What they are, however, is more questionable
Yeti/Abominable Snowman/Bigfoot? – Not until people from states where inbreeding is outlawed start coming forward with accounts.
Loch Ness Monster? – Lovely myth, great moneyspinner, no truth in it.
Wild Animals on Bodmin Moor and the like? – Actually, I can see that one being true.
Faves
1. Favourite colour? – Black. Exudes a wonderful ‘don’t f*** with me’ radius when worn.
2. Favourite time of year? – Hmmm. The Hallowe’en – Bonfire Night time is cool. Love the bonfire smoke smell at sunset.
3. Fave film? – Always changing but it takes a lot to beat Jaws, Shawshank, Airplane or Scream.
4. Fave TV programme? – Buffy TVS
5. Fave song? – ‘Under the Bridge’ by the Chili Pepps (though pushed bloody close by the Sisters ‘This Corrosion’, Prodigy’s ‘Out of Space’ and the theme tune to Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends – go figure).
6. Fave album? – Ouch, toughie. Probably ‘OK Computer’ by Radiohead.
7. Fave food? – Anything with meat. Just pass me a chicken.
8. Fave drink? – Milk.
9. Fave place? – Toss-up between Glastonbury Festival or stood looking out of my front room window in the early hours when there’s a huuuge rainstorm going on.
10. Fave animal? – Dogs are cool.
11. Fave famous person (alive)? – Kirstin Dunst, for purely sexual reasons. Christina Ricci for…well, the same.
12. Fave famous person (dead)? – Bill Hicks, for purely non-sexual reasons. A modern-day prophet.
13. Fave muppet? – The obvious one, Animal.
14. Fave personal trait? – Being able to see the funny side even in the blackest situations.
15. Fave person you’d like to see assassinated? – Everyone. If I like you I’ll kill you last. And Jedward.
16. Fave emotion? – The excitement that comes with anticipation.
17. Fave quote? – A scene from ‘Airplane’:
Leslie Nielson (Doctor) – These people have got to be taken to a hospital. How long ’til we can land?
Pilot – I can’t tell.
LN – You can tell me, I’m a doctor.
Pilot – I mean I don’t know.
LN – can’t you take a guess?
Pilot – I’m not sure…not for another 2 hours?
LN – You can’t take a guess for another 2 hours?
Firsts..
1. First memory? – Falling off a swing. or, more accurately, flying over the swing without actually making any contact with it in the first place. And then being convinced I had a fungus plant growing in my stomach after swallowing half the garden on a rough touchdown.
2. First book you ever read? – Ralph & His Marvellous Motorcycle. It was about this daredevil mouse who found a toy motorbike and used to ride around the house in search of adventure. Made Stuart Little look like a girl.
3. First teacher you ever had a crush on? – Ooooo, Jennifer Bennett when I was 11.
4. First girl you ever had a crush on? – Victoria Beauring (or something like that) when I was 11 (god I was a hussy).
5. Get anywhere? – No.
6. First kiss? – Was 16 with my 1st gf & true love. True to form, my glasses fell off in her face.
7. First childhood nemesis? – Robert Lewis when I was at primary school. We battled using the medium of choir singing.
8. Favourite teacher? – at school, Dave Cadwallider, a truly great guy. Since then Andy Sims, my Film Studies mentor. A genius to whom i owe my love of film and getting into critiquing.
9. First film you ever saw at the cinema? – E.T.
10. First record you ever bought? – ‘Voodoo Ray’ by A Guy Called Gerald. Blinding tune.
11. First gig you ever went to? – Hmmm…Saw Prodigy in Bristol just after ‘Charly’ became a huge hit.
12. First time you ever engaged in ‘intimate self-massage’ *ahem*? – Started figuring things out during bathtime when I was around 10 I think. Was the cleanest boy alive for a while after that.
13. First job? – Sunday nights at Miss Millies while I was in the 6th form. Nice food, shame about…well, everything else really.
14. First time you ever bought pornography? – Finally got the nerve up when I was about 19. Went through the process which I now realise every guy goes through – find an out-of-the-way newsagents with a well-stocked 2 shelves, loiter by them for about 20 minutes taking a peek at the mags while no-one else is looking and pretending to be looking at the crossword puzzle books when others approach, then make your decision and run for the counter while no-one else is queuing up. make some lame comment re: it’s for a friend/can’t wait to see his face etcetc, and dash out hoping you can’t see the mag cover thru the carrier. Hilarious really – by 25 you treat it as a badge of honour.
15. First experience with alcohol? – Dad made a Christmas Cake and left it to mature for a year. The following Xmas – must only have been 14 – he opened it. Following day was sick with a terrible headache and couldn’t figure out why. Turns out he’d dumped about a bottle of sherry in it.
16. First experience with drugs? – Going back to someone’s house after a 9-pint sess at The Hatchet to find him rolling joints off a stash about the size of a small bale of hay (had it smuggled in via a boat with a false hull from Amsterdam). Apparently opium-based stuff. I spent 2 hours in the toilet unable to move until i threw up, then another hour sat in a rocking chair having the time of my life.
Either/Or?
1. Sunny days or dark nights? – Definitely dark nights
2. Rain or shine? – Rain. Then I know I’m not missing anything.
3. Summer or Winter? – Winter.
4. Heaven or Hell? – Heaven. Hate hot weather.
5. Vampires or werewolves? – Has to be vampires. Very cool, despite having a ridiculous amount of ways to die.
6. Love or lust? – Love, as that should include lust when in the right relationship.
7. Dominant or submissive? – Hmmm…more dominant I think.
8. Chips & dips or chains & whips? – Chips & dips (with some silk restraints afterwards if required).
9. Foreplay or intercourse? – Actually, more of a fan of foreplay!
10. Pants or boxers? – Boxers.
11. Naughty or nice? – Nice with a dash, please.
12. Lover or fighter? – Neither, probably eater.
13. Blair or Thatcher? – Ouch…can’t even call them the leseer of 2 evils. Thatcher.
14. Stick or Twist? – Stick, gotta be in it to win it.
15. Live or recorded? – Live. When it works, you’ll never match the atmosphere.
16. Football or Rugby? – Like that’s even a choice. Footie.
17. Alone or in a crowd? – Given that choice, alone.
18. Car or bicycle? – Pass me the keys.
19. Candlelight or Candle wax? – Candlelight – romance first, kinkiness second.
20. Drunk or stoned? – Drunk. if its going badly, ’tis an easier state to get yourself out of. Is why i’ve never touched anything more then cannabis.
21. Personality or looks? – Personality is more important, but anyone who says looks don’t matter is a good-natured liar.
Randominity
1. Any grey hairs anywhere? – Yeah, past few years they’ve started cropping up in beard and temples.. And in ears too. Odd
2. What’s the best birthday present you’ve ever received? – gratuitous sex with my then-gf. As ever, the anticipation during unwrapping was the main fun, but the batteries wore out very quickly and I ended up slightly disappointed. Then the packet of cigarettes someone else got me came in handy.
3. Evilest teacher? – No question, a P.E. teacher named Stuart Downer. A nasty, arrogant and mentally abusive piece of work that left many scars.
4. Approach to life? – Make others happy and have a few chuckles yourself along the way, too.
5. Believe in true love? – Yeah, I think so. I don’t think it has to be instant though.
6. Believe in fate? – No. It can feel different, but I think it’s all down to us. Even if there is a higher power (which i think there is of a sort), the most it has is a general idea of how things SHOULD go.
7. Ambitions? – Used to be get in print as a film writer/reviewer and, to a point, still is. But I’ll settle for peace of mind. Never valued it until I lost it.
8. Think you’ll ever marry? – Truthfully? No. Melodrama aside, I’m not a fantastic catch look-wise and come with a shedload of mental baggage, hang-ups and insecurities. I wouldn’t.
9. Ever have kids? – No. Partly due to my OCD, but also because I’ve never been a big fan anyway. And medical reasons that wouldn’t leave me with that option anyway *shrug*.
10. What would you do if you won the lottery? – Die of a heart attack as I never get a ticket. But seriously, I’d see all those who’ve helped me along the way (primarily Mum) were sorted out before anything else.
11. ETD? – I’ll be lucky to get to my mid-40s with stress, smoking and a bad diet all fighting over me.
12. Scared of death? – Not at all. Scared of the dying process (looks a bit painful to me) but intrigued to find out what comes next.
13. You’re stranded on a desert island. What one item do you take with you, in case rescue takes a while? – Water purifying kit. Can always find stuff to eat but, w/o clean drinking water, you’re shafted.
14. Any regrets? – Oh yes. But have learnt from them all, so never wasted.
15. What song would you choose at karaoke? – Hmmm, not sure. Maybe ‘Have You Met Miss Jones?’ as can get away with that. Has to be a big band number so you can really belt it out.If not, maybe a Meatloaf tune or ‘Alive’ by Pearl Jam. Oh, or ‘Fuck Her Gently’ by Tenacious D just for comedy value.
16. Funniest thing you’ve ever done? – Convincing 3 visiting friends that someone’s 3-floor house was haunted. They ended up running around the place with knives, screaming while another as good as bolted out of the front door after a 2 hour ordeal.
17. Scariest thing you’ve ever done? – See my great-grandad’s body lying in state in the parlour before his funeral when I was 15.
18. Piece of advice you’d give someone? – Fight for what you believe to be true, whatever the opposition.
19. Best piece of advice ever given to you? – Treat everyone else on the roads as complete and utter f**king idiots. (thanks Dad).
Things To Do In Bristol When You're (OCD)ead 